I don´t know how to begin

But I need to. It's urgent.

The beggining of my history lies on my birthday, sometime in the past. Everything was a huge mistake, and I was the harvest of that mistake. Lucky me, huh? I had no idea what was expecting me in this world.

I was supposed to be a happy child like everyone else in my age was, but I couldn't. All the other children were able to be happy, soft, smiling, delicate, but I didn't. I grew up feeling I was guilty, for something I never done to anyone.

Back then, my mother got pregnant when she was 17 and my so called father asked my mother to abort me as soon as he knew. But I had no idea about all that.

I was born in March 7th, my mother wasn't able to abort me. She took care of me about 7 to 8 months, time enough to recover her body's shape and become a hot teenager again, so she abandonned me on my grandmother's hand. Then the hell begun.

English is not my native language, but who cares? People here say that this place is the best in the world, but I completely disagree. They say that people here do care, but I don't think so. I always felt alone, I always felt I wasn't in my right place. That's why I'm not writing these things in my language, because here it seems to be a terrible sin for someone to feel sad and alone, but every time I tried to expose my sadness, I was simply left alone, perishing while everyone were just worried to continue being happy, no matter what happens. This is the rule here, and I do not fit it.

And who am I? For now, call me Mrs. N. That will be enough. I want to be heard (or read) by my thoughts and feelings, not for my appearance. Nice to meet you.